Tag: adultism

Countering the Culture of Hate: Your Role Matters!

Does hate seem louder and meaner to you? It’s flailing in all directions. Can we address this human frailty before it infects more of us?

This fever of hate worsens the lives of those who have long been targets—today, teenagers are among the most affected. As the most diverse generation in history, few teens escape this widespread antipathy.

Experiences of being denigrated or demonized often become internalized. Like other forms of abuse, feelings of inferiority and discrimination mutate and pass through generations.

Even unconscious negative attitudes toward teenagers are reinforced daily by the ongoing narrative vilifying “kids today.” Ellen Galinsky’s research in The Breakthrough Years reveals that only 14% of parents use positive words to describe teens. Additionally, just half of adults recall positive memories from their own teenage years, perpetuating a tradition of scapegoating.

Despite a growing emphasis on “youth voices,” the vast majority of teens don’t believe they are liked and their ideas are discarded.

Exclusion: Another Consequence

Hate also fosters exclusion. Many adults have limited interactions beyond their family circles, which reinforces stereotypes and limits opportunities for understanding and collaboration.

Adults often keep their distance from teenagers, attributing angst, ignorance, or arrogance to the entire group. While there appears to be a wealth of opportunities for young people, the reality is sobering.

  • Only 2% of high school students complete an internship each year, according to American Student Assistance.
  • The U.S. Department of Labor estimates only about 10,000 16- to 18-year-olds start an apprenticeship each year.

The absence of intergenerational collaboration in the workplace hurts everyone.

The temptation to generalize based on generational labels is hard to resist. To address this issue, the Pew Research Center has opted to move away from rigid generational classifications.

“By choosing not to use the standard generational labels when they’re not appropriate, we can avoid reinforcing harmful stereotypes or oversimplifying people’s complex lived experiences.”

Dare I Ask . . .

Many adults exhibit reprehensible speech including high-profile leaders like President Trump. I wince when hearing “Where are the adults in the room?” We all know young people-even those in elementary school-who are skilled in conflict resolution and restorative practices. Maybe the presence of young people would cause adults to behave better.

Strategies to Break the Hate Habit

Reducing this negativity requires intentional effort. Addie Lentzner, a mentor of mine, offers this perspective:

There is an entire community that makes up our world that is not being accurately included due to our internalized biases about what they are capable of. It is up to all of us to design organizations and structures WITH young people for the benefit of ALL.

Here’s what I strive to do daily: respond to sweeping generalizations with a light but firm touch.

> A friend complained about her babysitter being glued to her phone and lumped all young people together. I replied, “It sure seems that way but I know many teens who maintain great eye contact during conversations.”

> A colleague remarked that “kids have so much free time and waste it” I countered, “That’s true for some, but many work after school and also take care of their siblings.”

The goal is to coach adults to pause and watch out for their deeply conditioned thought patterns before falling into the hate trap.

After years of collaboration with teenagers, here are a few of their recommendations:

See me as an individual

Don’t stereotype

Don’t treat me like your child

Avoid insulting compliments

Be open-minded

Admit you don’t have all the answers

Feel the urgency we feel

Don’t judge

Talk with us, not at us

Keep unlearning and relearning

Laugh with us

Respect us

 It’s oppressive to call us “children” and “kids” because it has a negative connotation that is not empowering to us so we’d like to be referred to as “youth.” 

– Salina Shamsuddin, Bridges USA’s Youth Justice Council

Hate affects us all. Breaking this cycle starts with catching ourselves—and those around us—when negative comments arise. Respect for one breeds respect for all. Together, we create a culture that promotes curiosity and collaboration.

What Teens Teach Us + Transform Adult Thinking 

If you’re reading this, thank you for rejecting screenagers, meanagers and countless other negative stereotypes that cause most adults to summarily exclude this age group in their organizatios. Whether young people are advocating for public schools, taking on billion dollar corporations, or reshaping the way adults see the world, their points of view carry a unique influence. Here are a few illuminating podcasts that remind us of how everyone gains a wider lens when adults chart a new path of youth inclusion and commitment to intergenerational growth. 

Get Schooled

On Election Day 2024, the Kentucky Student Voice Team played a crucial role in defeating a ballot amendment that sought to divert funding from public schools to private institutions. Imagine if only lobbyists and legislators had been active in this high stakes campaign . Two students interviewed highlighted how rural schools would be severely impacted, a perspective that carries significant weight—perhaps even more than that of the teachers’ union president or the legislator featured in this KSVT mini-series.

Baltimore Teens Persist!

This unforgettable episode of Code Switch delves into the fight against the $30 billion rail company CSX. Teens describe their reliance on their younger peers to bring “new ideas” and fresh tactics to this ongoing campaign, such as leaving bags of coal on policymakers’ doorsteps. These young citizen scientists combine hard evidence about coal dust with the lived experiences of elders, many battling cancer to make their case to state policy makers. . The co-host marvels at the “mutual respect” that emerges and admits she was initially concerned about exposing these youths to “grown-up cynicism.”

Why Adults Lose the ‘Beginner’s Mind’

I love “children are the R&D wing of our species” in this Ezra Klein podcast. I have experienced many aha moments when hearing a new idea that emerges from a group of teens that oxygenates my mind. Professor Alison Gopnik describes “this kind of rebirth of plasticity and flexibility in adolescence…[to] consider new kinds of social possibilities, and to take the information that they got from the people around them and say, ‘OK, given that that’s true, what’s something new that we could do? What’s something different from what we’ve done before?'”

How to Better Understand Teens

This episode on 1A flips the script by starting with insights from 15- and 16-year-olds, followed by Ellen Galinsky, author of “The Breakthrough Years.” She credits 40 teens across the U.S. as

“co-creators” who took my research in a completely different direction than if I had just looked at the literature or just talked to adults.

Galinsky quotes a 12-year-old’s advice to adults: “Listen with – when I was a child’s mind – as well as now  – I’m an adult’s mind. In other words, understand our perspective, not just your perspective.” So much can be gained by this commitment to intergenerational interdependence.

Now It’s Your Turn. Please Share Your Favorites!

Photo Credit: Partnership for Southern Equity CEO, adult and youth staff

Youths Are Not Adults’ Sidekicks 

Red flags for people of all ages on how to avoid dozens of unconscious as well as intentional behaviors that can sabotage intergenerational collaboration.

By Denise Webb, coauthor of Why Aren’t We Doing This! Collaborating with Minors in Major Ways

When I first became active in my community, I viewed myself as an extension of the adult assigned to me. Everything that I said, did, and acted upon was not my own power or agency, but it was the complete leadership, knowledge, and training that the adult had given to me. As I grew older and joined more school clubs, youth-led organizations, and grassroots efforts, I realized that my knowledge, drive, and my ability to stand up for what I knew was just – was not anchored to an adult.  However, so many other youths do not make this discovery until it is too late and they become the adult perpetuating those societal beliefs of power and superiority over younger people.

This sentiment of youth power being tied to an adult is built into our systems, in our schools, and even in “youth-friendly” orgs.  For over 5 years, I have had my fair share of being bombarded with blaring red flags from adults that I did not notice until it was too late. I created a handout revealing the red, yellow, and green flags that young people should look out for when searching for work, organizations to join, daily interactions, and anything in between.

Being Pursued

My most brain-stained memory of these red flags was unfortunately recent. A “youth-led” organization was created early 2023 to promote youth power across Metro Atlanta. I was told by one of their adult recruiters to apply but ignored the offer because I already had a lot on my plate.   They badgered me with multiple reminders to join. I didn’t realize it at that moment, but they disregarded my schedule and other obligations in my life, suggesting repeatedly that this “youth-led” organization was perfect for me. After I went through the application and interview process, I was accepted. Around this time, I was preparing to study abroad in Costa Rica to learn about environmental sustainability. I let that be known during the interview and was promised my role would be online research. 

Are You Kid-ding Me?

The next red flag I immediately noticed was the one of the adult’s language. This organization decided to meet on Zoom once a month while also doing events in person. Even though the age range was 14-22, we were all called “kids”. When introduced to prominent community members, they would say “These are my kids, just out here trying to show them how to do better for their community, ya know?” This language automatically showed their personal hierarchy which adults and young people stand on. 

Dismay & Pay

After those awkward interactions with them, I set off for Costa Rica. They let me know my pay  and that I would receive it towards the end of each month. All summer long I researched, created flyers, and gave them ideas to enrich the community without seeing any compensation.  I emailed them and received no response. Upon returning  to the U.S. in August, they told me that I was not technically an “employee” because of some missing paperwork. I was confused because they still assigned me work, and approved what I gave to them. I was missing $1,200 of pay. During this time, I realized all of the blaring red flags from before. I had wished that I heeded the warning signs and not given them the benefit of the doubt. I gathered all of the paperwork they had given me, stating my acceptance, and emails of them thanking me for my work as well as documenting zero compensation. When I presented this to all of the adults, they stopped emailing me and decided that it would be best to continue on the phone and not where a paper trail could be found. At the end of this battle, they only paid me $800 but still used my work as a way to show how well they were teaching their “kids.” This organization was one of the many that helped build up the “red flags” that all young people need to look out for. 

Youths vs. Youths

Outside of my own financial and personal struggles with this organization, a bigger one started to form as the months continued. Favoritism. Despite all of the young people starting at the same time and being given the same work, a “tiered” system of youths started to creep out. During our meetings, if you had similar interests to the adults, were more inclined to agree with them, and/or were someone they viewed as valuable, they would often say “Wow you are my favorite you know that?” Yes,  in front of the other youths. This created unhealthy competition and strains within the youth bubble. There was no adult ally in these spaces either. Just adults who were more concerned with pushing the agenda that youths are being “heard” around them. 

Turning Red Flags Green

In our new book, Why Aren’t We Doing This! Collaborating with Minors in Major Ways, Wendy and I caution adults on how to avoid dozens of unconscious as well as intentional behaviors that can sabotage intergenerational teamwork.  One of the many self-aware professionals featured in our book provides this advice. 

“You have to get over your stereotypes. I’m big on language. I think the word “kids” infantilizes, especially when we talk about power. I’ve never liked the word “empower.” Who are we giving power to? Everyone has power. Young people have power. Let’s recognize the power and let’s work together.” 

Robyn Bussey, Just Health Director with Partnership for Southern Equity

Harmful environments like the organization in question, will be one of the very first “youth-led” spaces where young people will be told they have power. However, saying that and contributing to adultism, decoration, tokenism, and favoritism will push hundreds of youthsout of the youth power movement. This may also cause many to question whether or not young people truly have power. 

Achieving respectful and equitable working relationships demand a seismic reorientation.  Regular 1:1s that provide opportunities for level-setting and candid conversations are among the critical strategies we present in our book. Frequent interactions not only increase impact but  I know firsthand, can be full of joy. One green flag for adults to judge genuine intergenerational synergy is if young people feel comfortable laughing and joking with older colleagues.  

Sticking Together

The reason that I have stayed with this organization throughout the hardships is because I am not afraid to push the envelope. Since I am 20 now, I believe that it is time for me to “train” myself  to become an adult ally. By being able to stand up and demand structural and systematic changes to this org will benefit many youths to come despite my current discomforts. By promoting a space where youth voices are truly heard, we will be able to turn even the most blaring red flags into something with an emerald green glint.

Read more . . .

To learn more, download “What Color Are The Flags?

To buy our book, Why Aren’t We Doing This! order here.

Do You Have These 10 Critical Character Traits?

Building a collegial partnership with teens is altogether different from the traditional power dynamics so common with a parent, educator, or authority figure.

When introducing the concept of infusing teens into various organizational operations, the flood of reactions from most adults is predictably negative. 

My nephew is obsessed with online gaming. 

My friend’s 16-year-old daughter is so lazy and clueless. 

These kids don’t want to have anything to do with us. 

This crime wave . . . I’m scared of them. 

Adults must take off their hat as a parent, aunt, educator or other authority figure to see each young person as an individual. To unlock the minds of the rising generation to imagine a better society, analyze problems, and develop strategies to pursue real change together, the responsibility rests with adults to demonstrate authentic respect and build genuine rapport. A collegial partnership is altogether different from the power dynamics so common with a mom or dad, teacher or principal, etc. 

  Encourage us. Build on our ideas. That gives us the confidence we need.  – Melissa K.

Essential Soft Skills for Sustained Collaboration

  1. Optimist – Hold onto hope as the antidote to cynicism
  2. Listener – Develop a “Third Ear” to be open to new thinking
  3. Learner – Keep your imagination faucet open
  4. Advocate – Share your own pragmatic idealism 
  5. Communicator – Text or talk 1:1 outside of meetings 
  6. Comedian – Joke and laugh
  7. Infomaniac – Explain relevant organizational efforts and future plans
  8. Choreographer – Connect teens with other staff and organizations
  9. Honest Broker – Establish feedback loops to respond to ideas
  10. Catalyst – Implement proposals as quickly as possible to show change happens

The passing of my very dear friend and wonderful colleague inspired this list of character traits. Pat Moore Harbour, PhD possessed them all. She served as the catalyst for my involvement with one of the Kettering Foundation’s Research Learning Exchanges that builds off her book, Community Educators: A Resource for Educating and Developing Our Youth. 

Contagious Curiosity

Given my dogmatic and persistent nature, I challenge the prevailing mindset of adults doing “to” and “for” youth. Pat and I had dozens of conversations where she showed such respect and curiosity about my approach that young people be recognized as wise community educators, influencing their peers as well as adults and the community at large. Instead of viewing youth as “under construction,” we often talked about our kinship with older colleagues who are committed to anti-ageist multi-racial collaboration. 

When discussing the concept of youth infusion – especially those under age 18 – in adult-run nonprofits and government agencies, Pat always was intrigued and honest. Her sense of possibility led her to emphasize the role of young people as “co-producers.” She embraced collaboration “with” youth – the key preposition and title of the recent book by David Mathews, founder of the Kettering Foundation (read more about WITH  here).

I was eager to discuss with Pat these two studies that conclude most adults lack her curiosity and interest in intergenerational interdependence. She would have shared her contagious optimistic outlook. 

Every conversation with Pat was a joy. Children laugh 300 times a day and the average for adults drops to only 15. She had me laughing and rethinking all the time.

Many of my closest friends and colleagues are not open to this concept of engaging with teens as genuine thought partners but I will not give up because of Pat’s spirit that will endure. How fortunate I am to carry Pat in my head and heart!

Photo credit: Dr. Pat Moore Harbour

Infuse ‘Y’ in DEI

It’s time to embed young people in these organizations to actually increase diversity, to actually practice inclusion and the most challenging, to actually share power to achieve equity.

The National Council of Nonprofits drives home the question: “Does your nonprofit create opportunities to listen to the voices directly from community, grassroots, or young leaders in low-income, under-served and/or marginalized populations within its community?” The answer often falls to a vice-president or team charged with Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). Apart from token engagement, youth-serving institutions do not practice what they preach given the exclusion of this entire age group. 

It’s time to embed young people in these organizations to actually increase diversity, to actually practice inclusion and the most challenging, to actually share power to achieve equity. This is distinct from a youth advisory committee or an internship program. As we all know, it is an unfair burden and an impossible task to ask a few young people to represent their generation—the most diverse in history.

Expanding DEI

  • Diversity – representing many young people of color and multiple identities
  • Equity – redistributing power and engaging in real shared decision-making
  • Inclusion – respecting a broad range of perspectives by youth of many racial and socio-economic backgrounds

This process of infusing the ‘Y’ in DEI does not and should never happen overnight. Serious organizational commitment to create an intergenerational culture by senior staff and the board is a prerequisite. Just as those in charge of DEI trainings for the entire staff—especially to address systemic racism—workshops also need to pull back the curtain and interrupt individual and institutional biases about youth as well as confront adultist attitudes.

Youth don’t have the academic or professional credentials but by virtue of their station in life and firsthand knowledge about their peers, rarely are young people privy to the circle of strategizing and decision making. Equitable inclusion of diverse youth seems only just. In fact, ‘justice’ is being added to DEI which, as Richard Leong with Act to Change suggests, could translate into a more catchy acronym: JEDI.

What do you think about incorporating both the ‘J’ and ‘Y’ in DEI? Please reach out to us to learn more.

Graphic: League of Women Voters of Delaware