Attn Policymakers: Research Shows Parents Misread Their Own Child’s School Experience

As the federal role in K–12 education wanes, local leadership holds greater sway. Yet when it comes to setting education policies, programs and priorities, student input remains largely tokenistic. In most school districts, only a handful of academically successful, self-selected students are invited to serve in advisory roles. Meanwhile, parents are still widely treated as the most credible narrators of their children’s school experiences.

But compelling new research reveals a troubling disconnect.

A 2025 Brookings Institution report, The Disengagement Gap, based on surveys of over 65,000 students (grades 3–12) and 2,000 parents, exposes stark mismatches between what students experience and what parents perceive.

  • Only 26% of 10th graders say they love school — yet 65% of their parents believe they do.
  • Only 44% say they learn a lot most of the time — compared to 72% of parents.
  • Only 29% say they learn about topics they’re interested in — versus 71% of parents.
  • Only 33% say they develop their own ideas — while 69% of parents assume they do.
  • Only 42% say they use thinking skills beyond memorization — compared to 78% of parents.
  • Only 39% say they feel a sense of belonging at school — yet 62% of parents think they do.

The report recommends tools like the Leaps Student Voice Survey to monitor engagement—but surveys alone aren’t enough. Policymakers must reach out to students who feel unseen or silenced: those in alternative schools, students with disabilities, teen parents, students who are bored, bullied, disengaged, or chronically absent. Their perspectives are not fringe—they are central.

These gaps indicate we need to reset for effective systemic change. Many of students have internalized years of being ignored. That’s why their insights are so critical.

Real engagement means more than the proverbial “listening” (though it seems that could use some resetting too). It calls for educators, school board members and administrators to value students as expert witnesses of their own experience. It also demands committed and knowledgeable experts to seek to build genuine rapport for students to open up because they can discern that this is not another “faux” focus group.

In the words of one of my mentors:

“Why do adults ask us to be open-minded when they don’t rethink what they believe?

– Milly Asherov, Classical High School Class of 2022

We must move beyond the habit of overvaluing parent perceptions and underestimating student realities. The future of education depends on listening differently—responding collaboratively—and respecting students not just as learners, but as co-creators.

IMPORTANT CAVEAT
My focus on positioning students in the front row with policymakers fails to address the bigger picture of our failing education system. There is deep analysis and solutions in this new book, The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Check out a wide- ranging discussion with one of the authors Dr. Rebecca Winthrop on The Ezra Klein Show.

Booster Shot for Health Advocates

By Wendy Schaetzel Lesko

When it comes to the universe of health advocacy organizations, government agencies and private foundations, expertise is off-the-chart. One significant gap however is the first hand experiences and insights of those young people currently using services and equally crucial, those who cannot obtain vital information or access needed health care.  Symbiosis between the professionals and those under age 18 holds the possibility of significant breakthroughs. 

“We don’t want to lose them to CVS!.” 

-Michele Perlman, Assistant Vice President for Education and Training,  Community Health Network

Let’s look at the diabetes epidemic and tooth decay.  Denise Webb, now age 20,   with whom I proudly and joyfully co authored Why Aren’t We Doing This! Collaborating with Minors in Major Ways, are five decades apart and our lives are vastly different. 

Both of us have battled against the predatory marketing practices by the behemoth beverage industry.  While working with the Youth Activism Project, I collaborated with a diverse cadre of teens including one with diabetes. They demonstrated unique influence capturing media attention and had irreplaceable impact with elected officials that resulted in a county ordinance restricting the sale of sugar-sweetened beverages  (SSBs) in vending machines.  

Denise has sharpened her toolkit of skills during the four years she has worked part-time with the Partnership for Southern Equity (PSE). The Oral Health Disparities Project ranks as one of Denise’s most meaningful efforts with this nonprofit that is also the headquarters for Coke Cola. 

Encourage These Experts to Challenge

Thinking back to her  childhood, she reminisce about “ walking to the convenience store for that absolutely favorite 99 cent peach soda.” Collaborating with PSE Just Health Workgroup, the professionals make certain their teen colleagues are not token advisors. The result is genuine intergenerational interdependence.   For example, Denise and other Youth Staff pushed back on the plan by the communications staff to create social media flyers, Instagram live broadcast, etc.  Instead they developed an alternative photovoice strategy in specific neighborhoods which became an effective digital campaign. From fun in-person interviews to heart-breaking community documentaries, the input of the young advocates shaped and propelled the way adults viewed health equity and policies in communities. 

Data collection was another core deliverable of this Oral Health Disparities grant and the Youth Staff were credited with adding another survey question: “Do you live near a convenience store?”  The responses revealed glaring differences between zip codes which informed the Workgroup’s recommendations to address both dental disease and food deserts. Denise emphasizes that this health issue would not be on “Teens’ Top 10 Concerns” but the sincerity and reliance of the professionals were what unleashed her passion to apply their own lived experience and 21st century skills.

Our Youth Staff are not an afterthought, not our guinea pigs or focus group. They are in the work and I’m really excited about that. 

– Robyn Bussey, Just Health Director with Partnership for Southern Equity

Multiple strategies to recruit those most impacted and furthest from power along  with numerous approaches regarding onboarding, one-to-ones, compensation and other essential intergenerational commitments are described in our 160-page book. Also, don’t miss Denise Webb’s five-minute speech  at an international health conference in Catalytic Credibility + Clout of Young Advocates/.

Photo credit: Partnership for Southern Equity

Our Invite to “Collab”!

“Collab” is one of the most popular words  of post-Millennials, according to  the authors of  Generation Z, Explained: The Art of Living in a Digital Age 

While now it’s collab, I have two decades experience with its ancestor, collaborating, and with teens, or minors – those 17 years and 364 days and under. The rich experiences and major triumphs I attribute to these teen partnerships continually fuel my personal growth and commitment for radical youth infusion. When I reflect on these mutual mentoring experiences, I am reminded how much I still have to learn. The uniqueness of each experience, the singular nature of every youth-adult partnership, make for a varied and exciting pathway toward impactful interGEN interdependence.

My latest collaboration started in 2021 as a conversation and grew into a book, the Youth Infusion Hub and a deep collaboration with a remakable teen –  Denise Webb.

She is one of two dozen teens who work in different capacities with adult-run organizations, and my research at the time sought to gain insights about the good, the bad and the ugly. A few emails and Zooms and Denise and I realized that our bigger philosophies met in a shared vision for our future where teens contribute meaningfully to organizations large and small. We had the opportunity to examine and apply the ins and outs of interGEN collaboration ourselves as we documented ways organizations are collaborating with minors in major ways, and how it can be done in any organization. This project that became Why Aren’t We Doing This! Collaborating with Minors in Major Ways showcases Denise’s insights and her remarkable ability to meet deadlines between classes and a long list of other commitments and responsibilities.  

We hope the stories, quotes and strategies we present will spark every group of people to look around and recognize that without youths, something is missing — irreplaceable insights, intelligence, intuition and the ideas of young generations. 

We provide reasons why, techniques how, and commitments to supporting youth infusion. Nineteen year-old Denise invites everyone to consider opening their mind and inviting teens to be key and critical partners:

“Let us build and revise systems that have torn you, me and the people before us down. Join us. Have us on your team.”

Our book is the starting point. To boost momentum, we created a Hub and provide resources for infosharing. Now more than ever, we need you, regardless of age or position.

We invite you to . . .

  • Tell us what topics from our book you want expanded on or suggest new angles of interGEN collab 
  • Submit a guest blog to wendy@youthinfusion.org 
  • Check out our cadre of interGEN collaborators 
  • Sign up for our biweekly updates with tactical tips and that feature the innovations of others
  • Participate in the Youth Infusion Hub to grow and enrich our interGEN knowledgebase and support the community by sharing your lived experiences and expertise.

Together we can work as a team. When we exchange different approaches to youth infusion, individuals and institutions all benefit!

ALL Youth Are Already Engaged

Many adults don’t understand what youth engagement actually is. This article explores alternate visions.

“Kids these days don’t care!”
“When I was young, we were always busy.”
“I’m worried these teens are just zoned out!”

Whether its parents, researchers, youth workers, politicians, teachers, or just the older man gabbing to his seatmate at a coffee shop, it seems that young people are always getting a bad rap for being disengaged. They are decried for playing video games, doing drugs, having sex, and vaping, as if these are the signs of disengagement we should all be concerned about.

While its true that we should be concerned about negative behaviors, it’s not true that these youth are disengaged. However, it is true that many adults don’t understand what engagement actually is.

This is a definition of the word engagement: "Engagement is simply choosing the same thing over and over." - Adam F.C. Fletcher (2015) The Practice of Youth Engagement.

In my 2015 book, The Practice of Youth Engagement, I sought to simplify and redefine the word engagement in order to pragmatically reflect my work and what I’d learned in my research about youth engagement. I wrote, “Engagement is simply choosing the same thing over and over.” I understand this even more today than I did then.

Since the pandemic began three years ago, there have been a plethora of damning headlines focused on children and youth today. This includes:

  • Schools: K-12 schools raging about student disengagement in education, railing against learners who appear to be disengaged from learning and the purpose of schools;
  • Economy: The World Economic Forum is talking about “youth disillusionment” disillusionment and disengagement in employment is a top concern among youth workforce development;
  • Social Change: Despite massive efforts by young people worldwide to raise awareness and fight for systemic change in the climate crisis, Black Lives Matter, #MeToo, and other issues, nonprofits and other social change organizations are railing against what they see as a youth disengagement in their issues;
  • Families: Children and youth disconnecting from their home and family lives, choosing online social interactions and gaming rather than family interactions;
  • And much more.

This engagement is equated to simply showing up, attending, and participating in the places and activities that adults want, when they want, and how they want.

And understand this, please: I’m not even talking about young people having substantive roles throughout their own lives like we talk about in Youth Infusion. I’m not talking about anything specific like engaging youth as decision-makers, researchers, advocates, or anything else, either. I’m merely saying that adults are calling youth “disengaged” because youth aren’t doing what adults want them to.

Of course, this kind of treatment isn’t new. Instead, its part of a widespread, multi-millennial trashing of young people that’s been happening since time immemorial. Supposedly it was Socrates who said, “Children; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room, they contradict their parents and tyrannize their teachers. Children are now tyrants.” That was 3,000 years ago.

More recently, it was in the 1930s that teenagers were labelled the “Lost Generation” by the mass media. Scoffing at young people who left America to experience the Great Depression in Europe, Gertrude Stein invented the phrase. However, newspapers soon took up the title to describe the apparently listless, roaming hoards of teens who were riding the rails and moving from town to town for work instead of going to school and “making something of themselves.” Although it took nearly 50 years and might’ve been complete hyperbole, these same youth in this same generation were eventually lionized as “America’s Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw as he celebrated their contributions during World War II and afterward.

I bring up those examples to say that the continued labeling of youth today as disengaged is inaccurate at best, disingenuous, and ultimately, oppressive and appalling. Whether its the evergreen critical analysis of Mike Males in the late 1990s or the ongoing take down of neoliberal nonsense by Henry Giroux and others, anyone who is actually an adult ally to young people has learned to view these indictments with skepticism, if not immediate dismissal. Because they are bunkus.

The Reality of the Situation

This graphic shows two types of engagement by Adam F.C. Fletcher.

Right now, there are young people all around the world who are choosing the same things over and over. They don’t need, want, or seek adult approval for many of these things, and because of that adults don’t value their engagement, and we label them “disengaged.”

This includes young people who are doing positive activities filled with potential, including creating art, developing social messaging, fostering community, and devising innovative solutions to everyday problems. This type of engagement is convenient youth engagement, because it works for adults. We generally like what we see, what is shown, why it happens, and what happens because of it.

Look across the Freechild Institute website for examples of youth people of all kinds everywhere doing things to change the world in positive, powerful ways. Learn specifics from Youth Infusion, including how and where and why this change is happening.

However, youth engagement also includes young people who are doing things adults don’t agree with. They do these things to meet their own needs, including:

  • Self Medicating: Seeking to meet their mental health needs, youth are choosing drugs, alcohol, sex, and other activities over and over to make themselves feel better where access to healthy mental health are inaccessible;
  • Making Opportunities to Belong: Whether they are leading or joining gangs, tagging and graffiti-ing their neighborhoods, or having parties, young people are making opportunities to build belonging, support, and trust where none exist;
  • Expressing Themselves: When geographic and social communities don’t welcome youth voice, young people are sharing social media memes, producing videos, tagging buildings, making music, and otherwise expressing themselves when and where adults generally don’t want to be;
  • Entertainment: Where life is devoid of self-defined purpose and meaning, young people create opportunities for themselves to become entertained instead of substantially engaged. The outcomes of this might mean texting or gaming with their peers for hours, which isn’t inherently negative or wrong, but often rubs parents, youth workers, and teachers the wrong way because those spaces are harder to control than so-called IRL forms of entertainment.
  • And many other ways, including making and spending money, critiquing and challenging authority, and building hope for the future where there appears to be none.

I call these activities inconvenient youth engagement because of the nature of their existence: They aren’t prescribed by adults, and the outcomes can’t be predicted by adults. I don’t mean this facetiously; instead, I mean it truthfully that adults are almost wholly and completely uncomfortable with reactionary, self-driven, and situational youth engagement in which young people continuously choose things for themselves over and over that adults wouldn’t choose for them. However, in the absence of not choosing anything, adults inadvertently choose for young people to create their own ways to meet their needs.

And ultimately, please learn to see the reality right now: All youth are already engaged, whether its in ways adults want or not, for reasons adults approve of or not, and at times adults think they should be or not.

5 Ways to See Youth Engagement Differently

If you’re concerned about youth engagement, there are practical things you can do right now. Don’t be concerned with whether youth are engaged or not; simply be aware that if they aren’t engaged in what you want, when you want, where you want, and in ways you don’t want them to be, you’re going to have to provide a more compelling, honest, and authentic reason for them to be engaged in other ways.

Here are five ways you can see youth engagement right now, and do other things to engage youth.

  • Real Talk: Have REAL conversations with young people and actually listen to what they want to say;
  • Real Action: Provide practical, meaningful, and purposeful alternatives to what they are already engaged in;
  • Real Power: Create substantive and powerful ways to infuse youth throughout the operations of your organization in ALL ways;
  • Real Reality: Recognize the ways young people choose to be engaged on their own by engaging them in similar ways, and;
  • Real Reinvention: Sustain, evaluate, re-invent, and re-invent in youth infusion every season for every young person who becomes engaged.

Starting with these steps as a guide, move forward knowing that ALL young people are already engaged, right now.

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