Attn Policymakers: Research Shows Parents Misread Their Own Child’s School Experience

As the federal role in K–12 education wanes, local leadership holds greater sway. Yet when it comes to setting education policies, programs and priorities, student input remains largely tokenistic. In most school districts, only a handful of academically successful, self-selected students are invited to serve in advisory roles. Meanwhile, parents are still widely treated as the most credible narrators of their children’s school experiences.

But compelling new research reveals a troubling disconnect.

A 2025 Brookings Institution report, The Disengagement Gap, based on surveys of over 65,000 students (grades 3–12) and 2,000 parents, exposes stark mismatches between what students experience and what parents perceive.

• Only 26% of 10th graders say they love school — yet 65% of their parents believe they do.
• Only 44% say they learn a lot most of the time — compared to 72% of parents.
• Only 29% say they learn about topics they’re interested in — versus 71% of parents.
• Only 33% say they develop their own ideas — while 69% of parents assume they do.
• Only 42% say they use thinking skills beyond memorization — compared to 78% of parents.
• Only 39% say they feel a sense of belonging at school — yet 62% of parents think they do.

The report recommends tools like the Leaps Student Voice Survey to monitor engagement—but surveys alone aren’t enough. Policymakers must reach out to students who feel unseen or silenced: those in alternative schools, students with disabilities, teen parents, students who are bored, bullied, disengaged, or chronically absent. Their perspectives are not fringe—they are central.

These gaps indicate we need to reset for effective systemic change. Many of students have internalized years of being ignored. That’s why their insights are so critical.

Real engagement means more than the proverbial “listening” (though it seems that could use some resetting too). It calls for educators, school board members and administrators to value students as expert witnesses of their own experience. It also demands committed and knowledgeable experts to seek to build genuine rapport for students to open up because they can discern that this is not another “faux” focus group.

In the words of one of my mentors:

“Why do adults ask us to be open-minded when they don’t rethink what they believe?

– Milly Asherov, Classical High School Class of 2022

We must move beyond the habit of overvaluing parent perceptions and underestimating student realities. The future of education depends on listening differently—responding collaboratively—and respecting students not just as learners, but as co-creators.

IMPORTANT CAVEAT
My focus on positioning students in the front row with policymakers fails to address the bigger picture of our failing education system. There is deep analysis and solutions in this new book, The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Check out a wide- ranging discussion with one of the authors Dr. Rebecca Winthrop on The Ezra Klein Show.